As the founder and executive producer of HillenBRAND Media and the host of this podcast, I am often amazed by the compelling stories told by the inspiring entrepreneurs, public figures and thought leaders of today. I have learned many things from my time speaking with them all, but one thing sticks out the most: life gives you the test first, and then the lessons after. In today’s episode, I will be sharing some of the tests, failures and setbacks that have happened in my life, as well as the hard-hitting lessons I have learned along the way.
Listen in as I explain my battle with Lyme disease and how this experience changed the course of my life. You will learn why you should always focus on your happiness rather than how much money you make and why you should never play victim to your circumstances. Remember: when life throws you challenges, you put on your armor and handle it.
What You’ll Learn:
How to turn your setbacks into comebacks.
The power of positive mindset.
The importance of being kind and empathetic toward others.
Why passion should override the size of your paychecks.
How my company came to fruition.
Why you can’t let fear run your life.
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“Life gives you the test first, and then the lessons after.” - Molly Dare
“Trust your gut. Your happiness is worth more than a paycheck.” - Molly Dare
”Always stand up for yourself, no matter what.” - Molly Dare
Resources:
EPISODE 37
MOLLY DARE
TRANSCRIPT:
*Please note that transcripts are auto-transcribed, they are for reference only and may contain typos*
Molly Dare 0:07
Hello, everybody, and welcome to On Air with Molly Dare.
This is my first solo episode. So buckle up, folks. We're gonna see how this goes. You know, I'm just going to try to share my story and a few lessons learned. I mean, it's impossible to share an entire story in one episode, but I'm just going to hit some of the highlights, and we'll see how this goes. So my name is Molly Dare. And first and foremost, I am a single mom to two amazing teen girls. And I like to say for those who are parents of teens, you'll get this to please and coffee and wine because that is what I'm existing on to get through these interesting teen years. We are deep in estrogen overload in this house. I am also the founder of hillenBRAND media. And since 2017, my company has been producing features and in depth interviews on inspiring entrepreneurs, thought leaders, well known public figures. And we are currently filming the Spotlight Series which we are combining all these amazing interviews into a series. And yeah, lots more to come on that. So I believe that we have all built our own what I like to call entrepreneurial armor based on our life experiences, and that when we share those experiences openly with the mindset of teaching others through those powerful experiences, we can turn our setbacks into comebacks, and add those powerful challenges and lessons to our armor too and that is the hope with this podcast with these guests that they inspire and motivate you through their journeys. And with me sharing some of mine, I hope to do the same.
Because I know just how powerful a mindset shift it can be when we openly talk about things face challenges head on, and removethat mental block of not doing something because we're so afraid of what will happen if it doesn't work. And I am not an expert. And I'm not going to speak as one I speak from my experience. And I think that we take the pressure off of ourselves, to have to always be the expert on something and just allow each other to speak from our own journeys becomes a whole lot easier to connect and inspire through our stories and the lessons learned from them. So those who know me, I like many of you have big plans, big dreams. But I've also had detours and moments of doubt and a lot of why is this happening to me. And by looking back at our lives and all the good, the bad. And let's face it some downright ugly moments, I've realized something really important: life gives you the test first, and then the lessons after. So as I'm sharing some of mine today, I also want you to be thinking of what tests, failures and setbacks you've endured in your life and what lessons were taught by them, and how those lessons have pushed you forward today and help to build your strength and your resilience and added to your armor. So as I said, my name is Molly Dare. And yes, it is my real name, Dare is actually my middle name. So I have a lot to live up to. I had no choice but to live a daring life. Thank you, Mom and Dad. And in all honesty, I really used to despise having the same growing up the game Truth or Dare really never ended well for me. But now I absolutely love it. And I really do think it suits me well. So I'm going to take you back with me to my first test my first step back and challenge. In my teens, I battled a horrific case of Lymes disease that went on for years, including many hospital visits, aggressive and painful treatments, I had to go to school, my eighth grade year with an IV pole because I was being treated intravenously twice a day by nurses because I was that ill. And you can only imagine how popular I was and how those years were. It got to the point where for a small period of time, the pain was so intense that I really couldn't move much from the neck down. And I lost the ability to I would have the words in my head and I couldn't get them out. I lost the ability for like that recall. And I really didn't speak that well, it was difficult for me to speak but I really didn't say much to anything about it. But it was really something that struggled with for me. So this is these have really ravaged my body and you know, my brain apparently it just was such a challenge. And I'm going to spare you all the medical drama of all that transpired over these years and missing out on school dances hanging out with friends during the years where all you want is to belong. And I was the kid on the sidelines the sick kid with an IV pole, watching everyone just move on with their lives getting their first boyfriends developing closer friendships and inside jokes and just really moving on without me. My older brother, on the other hand was an incredible student, athlete, popular all the things that I wasn't I felt like the failure, a burden. And I remember so vividly the third year of this illness laying in this yellow chaise my parents had in their bedroom praying to please please bring me out of this. And if you do, I promise to never take one thing for granted that I see everyone else get to have. And I promise to make the most of each day to appreciate the ability to not have pain, and just be able to move, I promise to use my voice to speak those words and thoughts in my mind. And by some miracle, you guys, I was brought through it. And that test that moment in my life was a defining factor of how I was going to live the rest of mine. So what did those years battling that illness teach me? It taught me empathy. For those who are not like others. It taught me never to judge anyone, because you do not know the battle that they are fighting. It taught me how grateful we all should be, to be able to move without pain and do all the daily basic tasks that we take for granted. And most importantly, it taught me how important our voice is, and that we should use it to talk about things that matter. And for me, it ignited a passion to not just share my voice, but the voices and stories of others, which is what I get to do today. So let's fast forward to another test. Another challenge. I graduated college, got a great job down on Wall Street with a great salary and a swanky New York City address. And on the outside, it looked like a dream job a dream life. My parents were pleased and even my perfect brother was too.
But I hated it. I hated being stuck in a cubicle not ideal for the ADD I have. I was doing a job that I wasn't passionate about at all. I was doing it for the paycheck. But I hated the long hours of doing work for others that was copy, paste, repeat every day was the same. I was just a cog in a wheel working towards someone else's vision and dream 18 hours a day with very little appreciation. And I knew that and I felt that. But it was good money. And it was bragging rights and, and my young 22 year old self felt that was important. So I stayed for a while. And I gave it my all and I bought the nice things but that paycheck, but I was I was empty. And I knew I could not stay there long term, I knew I was going to disappoint my family. And everyone would think I was crazy to leave such job security. But I left. To do what I didn't know. But I knew I couldn't stay in a job that didn't feel brought out the best of me or used my gifts or spoke to my passions. It was a nagging gut feeling that was so strong to leave. And so I quit with no plan I was a quitter. I quit a great job that many would love to have for the unknown. And I was ashamed of that decision. Not long later, 9/11 happened. Everyone down on Wall Street, including my boyfriend at the time, who I would end up marrying was down there too. Their whole life was changed forever that day, all of ours were. And we all had a moment to reassess what really matters in this life. And it was during that time, I realized once again how important it was to live my remaining days doing what makes me feel good. And the lesson in leaving that job was trust your gut, your happiness is worth more than a paycheck and to pursue what sets your soul on fire now, rather than later because we don't know how many days we have on this earth. And we better make them count starting today, starting right now. So I started pursuing what I loved giving a voice and a platform for others. My brother and I have a love of music and musicians. Although neither of us can carry a tune, like at all. But we love good music and talented acoustic singer/songwriters. So my brother started a small music company called for 440 Records. My brother loves business, the operations the behind the scenes, and I love representing talent and fighting for them to get to perform. And in the New York City clubs and music venues, I love promoting people, giving them a voice on a larger stage than they ever thought they could be on. And you know, musicians are notoriously shy people and not great at marketing themselves. So enter me, their publicist, their marketer and their voice and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do. I loved getting the bookings, and watching the performances. And I just felt proud of what I was helping my brother accomplish. I mean we were doing it. We were getting, you know, the singer booked and the top music venues in New York City and college tours and I was having a blast. But my brother and I had a tough time working together. We always had a complicated dynamic growing up, and the cracks began to show and I got to the point where the cracks outweighed the good and so I quit to save our relationship. Again, I am now a two time quitter. You can imagine not only his disappointment, but my own. I loved what I did. I loved growing the fan base and the success and the stages, but I knew that if I continued it would not be good for my brother and I so I chose to leave and this is what I learned from that test. Always stand up for yourself, no matter who it is. The power of being a voice for someone when they can't be, and the immense courage needed to go out completely on my own. So I'm going to fast forward to marrying that guy who was dating during 9/11. We had two beautiful girls together, moved to the burbs into a beautiful home in Princeton, New Jersey. We threw great parties. And all was storybook looking from the outside. But it wasn't on the inside, we got married very young, I was 24. And we had two children right away. And after almost 10 years of marriage, including five years of intense marriage counseling, it ended in divorce. This was soul crushing for me, no one in my family is divorced, none of my friends are divorced, or they weren't at the time. So this was the ultimate failure, not only for me, but for my two little girls who were four and six at the time that I was now going to rip apart that fairytale life that they not only thought they had, but that they deserved. But inside that fairy tale, there was not much affection or laughter. And I thought my girls and I should have more than that. I allowed myself one month of feeling really sad, feeling the hurt all the things I was experiencing, I thankfully had opened a little clothing store in town we lived in. And so I had two reasons to get myself together every morning. And sometimes, that's all you need. One - was my girls, I had to get them to school, and I had to show up for them.
Two - was my business, I had to be there to open it and to make money. And now I was going to be in need of a lot more money. As it became clear my life was about to drastically change financially, I was going to take a really big hit. So this was the ultimate test - divorce, single mom, finances lower than what I was used to living on. So I allowed myself to curl up in the fetal position. I allowed myself to throw a huge pity party. But then I looked at my two girls and thought, this isn't about my lessons learned anymore. I'm not going to make this about me. I need to teach them how to handle life when it doesn't go your way. When life is unfair, when it just sucks. I cannot quit this time. I've got two little girls who are watching me and how I'm going to handle this. And I'm going to show them that when life tests you and throws rocks at you. You throw on your armor and you handle it. And I picked myself up and said okay, what am I going to do? What can I show my girls to make them feel okay?
I need to show them a mom, a woman who got knocked down but didn't give up. I need to show them a woman who was going to take charge of her own life and is going to come up with a plan on how to keep their life running the way it always has been. I need to show them that I am whole. And we are whole, the three of us. And there is no missing piece. So I promised myself and them three things. One, I'm okay. I'm still smiling, still laughing because our life is really good. I've got my girls, I've got my health, that amazing family and friends, I've got my small business, which I'm now about to make bigger so I can bring in more money. Two, I'm going to show them how to build and expand a business from the ground up and they are going to be a part of it. I'm going to open up another retail store in another city that is bigger with more foot traffic and more inventory to sell. And three, everything is going to be just fine. This is the ultimate test to not only get up on my own two feet, but to stand tall in front of my girls because I knew that if they saw that I was okay that they would be okay to if they saw that I had something that I was working on and excited about, they would be excited too. So I flew out to Chicago, found the one empty retail location on the coveted Oak Street in Chicago and said that's it. I knew right away. I asked for comps on what the foot traffic was and average purchases in the stores when store to store meeting the store owners to get the lay of the land. And then when I decided this is where I needed to be, went to the bank, applied for a loan, opened up a second store in downtown Chicago. It turns out I'm really good at negotiating. I got a great deal on the rent and made them pay for the entire build out which I designed along with my amazing store manager and my girls watched me design and contributed their thoughts too, flying in with me on the weekends and we watched what we scribbled on paper come to life. There were blown up canvases of my girls wearing the clothes we were selling all over the store. They knew they were a part of it. I had them help me do inventory, model the clothes and the ads in the magazines - it was ours. And they watched me thrive and grow those retail stores and move forward when life tried to throw me down. And I was so so proud because they were so proud of me and of what we built. During these years we were finally reaching the end of the divorce settlement. The Princeton, New Jersey store was still running and the Chicago store was running. And we were negotiating the final terms with our lawyers of how many days or dad got to be with them and how often he would come to Chicago, because that's where we were deciding to move full time. And this new chapter was looking good. I was doing it, I was showing my girls how to build a successful business from literally the ground up that I was okay and happy. And then they were very much a part of it all. And then I got the email. My ex had a change of heart. He was no longer going to allow us to live in Chicago, and the only place he would agree to go was Florida, because he had plans to open up another branch of his business there. Florida! I thought that is nowhere near close to Chicago or New Jersey, how am I going to manage these stores from Florida. After many tears, I ended up closing my stores about a month later, and selling my inventory. I moved to Florida with my two girls to a town where I knew not a soul and start all over again. Closing my stores was brutal. I worked so hard. We worked so hard. I let down my employees, my store managers, my girls, and I didn't handle it well at all. I have a lot of regret in that, that I was hurting. And I could not face it or any of my amazing employees. They had all worked so hard to keep the stores running and as beautifully as it did. Closing those stores felt like the end of a dream of a beautiful new life I had created from scratch with my two girls by my side. So off to Florida, we went and I knew absolutely no one. But my whole goal was to give myself some time, focus on getting my girls into school and settled and then I'd figure out what was going on with me and if I was going to open up another store, or what I was going to do next. I had a long time of feeling bad for myself playing victim to the circumstances. I was not my best self then and I was certainly not living up to my potential. And it took a good friend of mine who sat me down at lunch one day, seeing how comfortable I was just living subpar playing the victim to say quite bluntly, you need to be doing more, you're playing victim and this is what you need to do. She took a napkin and wrote down my last name capitalizing the brand and wrote up the words hillenBRAND media and said Molly,
you love working with people's and brands you love promoting them and all forms of media and building social media platforms as I at this time is helping my friends the past few years on the side getting their passion projects in small businesses a platform on Instagram and Facebook etc. And she said this is what you're going to do. Your company is hillenBRAND media and underneath that umbrella you can do all the things you love. But you need to start living and shining again and she was right. A much needed dose of tough love. And that day I started hillenBRAND media and at first, it was largely social media based helping small businesses get their footing and growing their following, but it wasn't paying the bills. I was approached by a local TV station called Eye On Florida to help grow their presence. Soon they asked me to be an on air host for them as well. Now anyone who knew me prior to this time knows how terrifying the thought of being in front of a camera was for me. But I also knew because it's what I was preaching to all my clients is that you have to be the face of your brand. No one can sell your passion better than you can. So I said yes to the thing that scared me the most and got in front of the camera and started to be the on air host for Eye On South Florida. My first appearance was tragic, you guys, this was not rocket science. I just say a few words, introduce the next segment. And I just couldn't get the words out. I was terrified. A deer in headlights. I was looking at the crew, the camera man, the person I was interviewing that day and they were just staring - disappointed. And I was failing at this opportunity right in front of their eyes. So I asked for a five minute break to compose myself and went outside and I looked down at this cuff I often wear it's engraved with the word 'fearless.' And I got it because when I put it on, it makes me feel like Wonder Woman. I wear it with the hopes that the fear will go away that I face every day. You see, I'm an introvert who has chosen now to live an extroverted career path. But in that five minute break, I looked down at that fearless cuff and something just clicked.
Because the fear and excitement are actually the same feeling. But we choose how we label it. There's looking at something as the worst case scenario. And excitement is looking at it as the best case scenario. But we have a choice in what we name it. I had a choice in that moment. To continue to let fear dominate or choose to have that same feeling that same rush of energy we feel that same rush of adrenaline be labeled as excitement. And I chose to visualize the best case scenario, how I was going to go back and knock out that segment and use that energy to make me more animated and excited on camera. So I looked down at my fearless cuff and realized that you guys, we live with fear every day in one way or another, we are never expected to be without fear or fearless, we should never expect that. Instead, we can choose to fear LESS, to just dance with it, use it to our advantage. So I got through that segment and many others awkwardly at first, and then with my own flavor of on camera hosting, and I have learned to let my uniqueness shine that it is actually what separates you from all the others and lets you stand out. And as you think of what industry you want to pursue, whether you're looking to write a book, start a podcast, open up a small business, whatever it is, we often tell ourselves, oh, that industry is oversaturated. There are already so many books out there, so many podcasts, but there is no other you and you are unique. Whatever makes you different sets you apart, go full speed on that. Use that that is a gift, stop hiding it it is your superpower. When Eye On South Florida brought me on to expand, they said what do we need to do to grow? And I said, Well, if you want to grow, you have to be everywhere. Eye On South Florida, Chicago, New York, all the cities, if you know me, you know I only see things on a very large scale of world domination. And he said, awesome, you guys go do that. So there I was faced with a challenge to produce segments as the on camera host and producer in all the different cities a skill set, I had very little training in just experience. But it was in that moment, my mindset shifted from, I don't know how to do that to I don't know how to do that YET. And that one little added word at the end, that mindset shift has made all the difference in my life. I dove into this opportunity headfirst because I knew the value of getting someone on video in front of their brands in front of their missions, talking about their dreams, their passions, their values. So I dove all in because this opportunity was too good to pass up. I spent that year learning everything about production, the editing the cameras, it became my passion, getting people and their passions on video and talking about their story and their why helping them to promote, expand and grow. I said yes to what scared me. And I've grown my business ever since 2017 doing exactly that. Life is good. I'm doing what I love with people I love and I feel like I'm living that purpose and giving a voice to those who didn't have it or a platform to share it. And my takeaway from saying yes to something that scared me and facing my fear and going at it full speed is until you go too far. You don't know how far you can go. So when you do have success, which you will, there is something that creeps in a self sabotage of sorts, and it's called imposter syndrome. And it makes you feel like you don't deserve to be there. Every level a new devil. And you know how I attack this? I celebrate my successes. I post them not because I'm bragging not for the applause but because proof of execution of what I say I can do that only makes others not question you. But it reminds yourself how capable you really are too, so celebrate yourself. I also learned to be smart about who I surround myself with. While I was starting out hillenBRAND media, I spent that first year diving in all aspects and then realized pretty quickly what I was not good at, what my blind spots were and I curated a team of people who excelled where I don't. So as important as it is to do what you're good at. It is equally important to know what you're not good at and hire accordingly. I also learned to surround myself with people who dream as big or bigger than I do. surrounding yourself with people who aren't afraid to celebrate your wins and who don't keep you playing small because you're afraid of their judgement or jealousy. My team is everything. I could not do it without them. They make me look good by covering my many blind spots. And I remind them how essential they are when I can and every chance I get. So while things have been going well and I've been having success in my business enter my latest test because things can never run smoothly for too long.
So my youngest is or was a competitive gymnast and has been fighting her own battle She is 13 she battled CRPS. CRPS is chronic regional pain syndrome and it is rated as the highest pain on the pain scale higher than natural childbirth, or amputation and there is no known cure to date. For years it was 24 / 7 constant pain hospital visits we would wake up at night put another Lidocaine patch on her foot and hope she could go back to sleep and get rest. She stopped making it through full days of school and then couldn't go to school at all. And for the past few years. She was homeschooled. So this this is our year back at school full time you guys, and I'm knocking on wood, as I'm saying this, that it stays this way.
And this battle felt like history repeating itself, we ended up going to Boston Children's Hospital for pain treatment for two months. And I shared with her on her lowest days that I understand, and I've been there, and that she will come through it. And sometimes our biggest challenges and our hardest days will eventually make us not break us. And that is a choice. And although she may not realize it now, she had been given her first test her first challenge. She felt like she was failing, missing out falling behind on schoolwork missing out on all the fun social stuff with her friends. But do you know what she got, at a very early age, the ability to know that she can face a challenge, attack it head on and change her mindset. And so I asked her, What are you going to do now? How can you use what you're going through, and now pulling through in a positive way. Because your story is just beginning, you've got a lot to do and a lot to fight for. And I want you to think about that. So one day while we were at the hospital, she was looking around at all the other kids who are suffering and said, Mom, I want to help kids who are hurt and fix them. I think I'd be great at it since I know how it feels. And in that moment, she found her purpose. And she's been obsessed with it ever since. She researches bone surgeries and watches them every day and tells everyone she knows that she's going to be a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. And she was going to make kids who are hurt feel better again. She was tested, felt like she was failing in life and missing out and changed her mindset too instead of letting it hold her back. It's going to move her forward to have something to look forward to from what she experienced. And these are not all my setbacks. But I'm going to end there. These are not all my tests, not even close. I've had many many more, and some that I'm currently experiencing and some I have yet to experience. But I have learned to speak from a scar and not from a wound. And I hope that whatever you are currently experiencing, you use it to add to your armor. Because we were built to withstand hard things that we didn't know we could and to use the tests to our advantage, you may not like it, it may be painful to go through. But if you let it it will build the most beautiful armor around you as you head towards your purpose and let it instead pull you forward towards your success.
Molly Dare 27:27
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Air with Molly Dare. Your support means everything to me and to the guests who are sharing their personal stories. The best way to support this podcast series is with a five star rating on iTunes. Writing a quick written review gives me all the feels and I read every single one and it means so much. If you screenshot your review and send it to us, you will be entered into our monthly giveaway and who doesn't love free stuff. The best way for this podcast to grow is by word of mouth and I would love for you to tell a friend, share on social media, tag me in your stories if there's an episode or guests that really hits home for you. If you are interested in learning more about what I do or one receive my Mondays with Molly video series with insights on each episode and my personal takeaways, head to mollydare.com and you can sign up there. See you next episode and in the meanwhile, do something daring this week.
