In her years of servicing the dating industry, celebrity matchmaker, TV host and online dating expert Carmelia Ray has worked with countless matchmaking clients. Carmelia is one of the most successful matchmakers working with the world's leading entrepreneurs, corporate executives, notable celebrities and massive influencers, and she joins the show today to give us her best advice on being the face of your business and having the confidence to put yourself out there.
Listen in as we discuss how to build deeper connections with those around you, as well as how to date during a time when you are not able to meet up with people in person. You will learn how to date as a divorcée, how to leave a lasting impression on someone and why it is essential to show up consistently in life and business.
What You’ll Learn:
How to date during a pandemic.
The importance of showing up consistently.
How to create a deeper connection with your loved ones.
Why you shouldn’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
How Carmelia began her career in matchmaking.
Why we should ask for help when needed.
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“If you are going through a divorce, please use your resources.” - Carmelia Ray
“I do believe that parents with young children… should be looking for a partner that displays the kind of qualities that they’d be looking for in a parent-figure because they will eventually take on that role.”- Carmelia Ray
“People always remember how you make them feel.” - Carmelia Ray
Resources:
EPISODE 38
CARMELIA RAY
TRANSCRIPT:
*Please note that transcripts are auto-transcribed, they are for reference only and may contain typos*
Molly Dare 0:06
Hello everybody and welcome to this week's episode of On Air with Molly Dare you guys are in for a treat. We have the exuberant Carmelia Ray on today's episode, I am so thrilled that she came on because I am all about getting yourself out there being the face of your business and Carmelia gives you tactical tips and tricks on how to do exactly that. I believe so strongly that nobody can sell your passion your business better than you can people want to see you. They want to hear you they want to see your passion, your excitement. And you need to get on a bigger stage through social media through television through all the different media outlets. And I just wanted to bring Carmelia on because she is a master at leveling up your life in media. Also in relationships, she is a world renowned matchmaker with tremendous success, you will you will hear all about that as well. And listen, if you can level up your life, your work your relationships, then you know we're winning, you know, I've still got a ways to go myself. We're on this journey together all figuring it out. But listen, I you know if any tip or trick can help, you know, we're here for it. So I really hope you enjoy this week's episode, I was lucky enough to get to meet Carmelia in person at the breakfast with champions consortium in New York City. And if you guys love her on this podcast, you will love meeting her in person. She is speaking at many different conferences and summits. So just be sure to follow her so that you can see where she is at. She just has a wealth of knowledge in in media and in matchmaking. And all the things you know I talk a lot about relationships. As many of you know I am a single mom of two girls. And you know I always find it interesting in today's day and age, how to foster relationships and that's with anybody I mean we're in weird times right now when it's how do you keep connected? How do you date How do you keep the relationships when you're not necessarily able to see each other? You know, it's a challenge for a lot of us and I know it's affecting a lot of us but as you know Carmelia says that you know the the dating world is on fire right now people are actually craving those connections because you know we're feeling what it's like without them. And I think that hits home for for a lot of us might my dog my little co host degrees as well. So, without further ado, I won't keep you waiting long. The amazing Carmelia Ray is on today's episode.
Welcome to On Air with Molly Dare. In this episode, I am speaking with Carmelia Ray, who has spent the past 30 years servicing the dating industry as a celebrity Matchmaker, a TV host, an online dating expert, a media expert, you guys. She has over 8000 matchmaking clients, over 65,000 conversations with singles worldwide about love and relationships. Carmelia, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Carmelia Ray 3:26
I'm so so excited. And so happy we finally get to have this conversation because behind the scenes, we moved it around a bit I wasn't well, you weren't well, and this is like COVID times, right? And mom times. So I'm so happy that we're finally connecting.
Molly Dare 3:43
I know this is going to be the first episode in like three weeks that I sound normal again, my voice has been horrible. I mean, you and I have both been recovering from a horrible upper respiratory infection. And sick, all the things. Carmelia and I got to meet in person, you guys. I'm super excited. We were both at the breakfast of champions event in New York City. And I got to hear you talk about media and was so blown away. You know, I really brought you on to speak with you for a variety of reasons. But the two that really stick out as I was saying to you before we started recording is both the dating and the media. Because when I look at the listening audience, those are two areas I think they are very interested in. And you happen to be an expert in both. So I have to ask Carmelia because I always love to go back to people's childhoods. Were you kind of the matchmaker between your friends is that like something you always loved and enjoyed doing?
Carmelia Ray 4:37
That is such an interesting question. So I entered the matchmaking business by responding to an... well actually my my my ex boyfriend was working at a dating company called Together Dating and this is in 1992, Molly. So it was a position to work in their call center back in the day, you know, telemarketing. I was a telemarketer for dating company. So I started my career there. Previous to that I had zero. I didn't even know what a matchmaker was like, I didn't do a dating site, there were no dating sites. So to be honest with you no, I never matched people but what I was always good at, was connecting with people I was I'm not shy, I did drama from the time I was in kindergarten all the way to grade eight, not in high school. So I just really, and I, and in high school, when there were all these cliques, I was with all of them, it didn't matter if you were black, white, Chinese, you know, nerds, and I was a nerd myself, right. I was a cool nerd. I like to think I was a cool nerd.
Molly Dare 5:41
I was going to say, you were gonna be like a cool nerd. I can't think you were like a nerd nerd.
Carmelia Ray 5:44
I was a cool nerd. And so I just really love people. So I think that was the that was the knack for me. I don't think I ever kind of run out of questions to ask. It's one of those never left my five year old self. Like, why, why, when how, you know, but why? Like, that's, I'm curious about people.
Molly Dare 6:05
Well, you can tell that and I bring up that we met each other in person, because there's just certain people that you meet that like, exude this just amazing positive energy, you just want to be around them. And you are one of those people, I can see you're an incredible connector. You just love everyone that you're around, I can see that you pick up on people's energy too. And I can notice that right away. And I think that's a really special thing that that certain people possess, and you are definitely one of those. So let's talk a little bit about your relationships. Before we get into relationships and matchmaking in general. In 2007, you did go through a divorce. There's many people in my audience who are either going through and who have been through a divorce, what important lessons did you learn from that marriage and that specific relationship?
Carmelia Ray 6:50
What the lesson I learned is, I should have worked with a professional. I should have worked with a mediator in divorce, I should have worked should have had a therapist. I should have counseled other people that were going through a divorce or had been at that time, I don't think anybody had experienced divorce. I was late 30s, most of all of my friends were still married. And no one in my family or cousins or history ever even got separated. I'm Roman Catholic, my mom and dad raised me Roman Catholic. I'm spiritual now. So the idea or thought of divorce was like, what, like, you know what I mean? So I think that was a very, it was a very traumatizing experience for me. And I also financially when I sold the house, and I bought my ex husband out. And I was just making decisions under very stressful situation. And I did not make the best decisions for me, financially, either. I wanted to be out of the relationship. I had the stronger income at the time. So I took on all the debt, and I did all these things. And I'm like, why did I do that? I don't know why I did that. I've made so many decisions on my own, without any help of any kind. And, and that's the Aries me, I think that's the independent I can do this. I got this. But you know what it I did it by myself and I made bad choices. I mean, it all worked out in the end. However, that's what I would have said is if you are listening, you're going through a divorce, please use your resources. Think about working with a mediator. Think about hiring a great lawyer. I mean, back then Molly that divorce called cost me 600 bucks for my divorce paper separation. It was so that was non contested.
Wow. I think everyone just gasped.
I know. I know. But it cost me nothing. Beacuse he. A) that was the good thing is he was just like, okay, right God, like, oh, my goodness, but I also did a lot of things to make it seem to make it so that he was like, okay, that really wasn't in my best interest, right? When you feel like you just want to get out of it. And I hear that a lot with some of my clients. I gave her everything or I gave him everything or I just walked away or whatnot. You're thinking from a place of panic and a place of like, get me the heck, you know, the heck out of here, versus really taking the time to counsel, good people, professionals and think long term not just like right now what's convenient right now it's going to be difficult. So that's what I learned is to be a little more conscientious to not act out of emotion. And to take my time in that process because it's, you know, dissolving a 15 year marriage should not take you like a month to do like that's how long it was really fast.
Molly Dare 9:49
Those are important lessons and great advice. I feel you because I was 34 when I got divorced. I'm 43 now and I was the first of my friends and my family, like it was just like no one did that. And I didn't have anyone to go to like, what did you do? I had no one and I should have sought out, you know, more advice and gotten more because I just wanted it over. You know, I was like, Okay, I'm done. And I had so much pride and I was like, No, it's fine. You keep what you have, I'll keep what I have. And I'll just go and I'm like, wait, no, it's not. It shouldn't be that way. But you are the mama to three adorable kids, the youngest being five, the oldest being 21. And I know a common question that I need
Carmelia Ray 10:28
22.
Molly Dare 10:29
Oh, 22 now, Okay, wow
Carmelia Ray 10:31
By the way, she's, she's 22. She'll be turning 23 in November, I can't even believe I know.
Molly Dare 10:38
Gosh, crazy. And you know, a lot of questions that I get asked often, but for myself, and just in general, is how to date when you are raising children and how to bring in a relationship like, who should you be looking for? Are you looking for a father for your kids? Are you looking for your partner? It gets complicated.
Carmelia Ray 10:59
Yeah, I mean, you know, I think that answer that the answer to that question is always going to be based on the age like a multiple factors age of the children, for sure. If I were no matter what if you've got teens or kids you know are going to be in your home, they're living with you. They're spending, whether it's full custody or part time custody, whoever your romantic partner or a future partner is going to be is going to have some kind of impact and influence. So I don't think any parent, at least in my mind, I don't think any parent date's a partner, not thinking, what would the what would it look like to introduce this person into my family? At the end of the day, you're going to be a blended family, right? You're not just dating, for the for the compatibility between you and your partner? Hopefully, you're thinking of the compatibility between this person and your children. And when I say that compatibility in terms of how are you going to parent? What is his or her parenting style? Do you have similar financial views? Do you have similar educational views? I mean, one of the key life values in determining long term happiness is that you are aligned with how you want to raise your family and the structure of that family. So there are so many factors you I do believe, parents with young children or parents with kids, again, depending on their ages, should be looking for a partner that displays the same, you know, the kind of qualities they'd be looking for in a parent figure, because they will eventually take on a step parent role. And so you've got to be able to talk that through and understand their disciplinary style, their values to see if it's a match. I think that's really important. Now, to say, I'm looking for a father figure, I don't know that you should be looking for somebody to take care of your children. Because in my mind, unless your partner's deceased, unfortunately, or disappeared, and you are looking for a partner to help support you, you need to make that clear. I'm looking for a partner who can be both my partner and a parent figure to my children. Where some people I know is I'm not looking for a parent figure to my children. I am both Mom and Dad, I make all the decisions for my children. And that's what I do, and then might not be a fit for that person. Because that person might be thinking, Well, I'd like to have some input, if possible. There are a lot of my clients that are single never had kids, and are dying to or would love to be a step parent would love to have the opportunity to play the role of a guardian and or influencer or parent role, because they didn't have kids. So, so much here to talk about Molly, it's never a one time thing. I really hope that I gave some insight to this important question.
Molly Dare 13:56
Absolutely. And you know, Carmelia, for those who who want to find a matchmaker like yourself, what are the steps you take them through if someone signs up to work with you? What does that look like?
Carmelia Ray 14:08
Well, everybody goes through the initial process. If you go to my website, CarmeliaRay.com, there's an application form men apply here, women apply here. So that's the first step. And you can do that with any agency. In fact, most of my collaborators and most matchmakers have a free database most. Now, some people you even have to pay to be in their database, so it's free for anyone to join the database. But if someone wants to be prioritized, obviously, and they're like, I don't just want to sit here in the pool like I want you to help me, then they can choose the appropriate program, whether we do coaching, whether we manage their digital profile, whether we do active searches. Each of those things have a different price point a different investment because some take more time than others and then we would meet like this If you were in Boston, so some of my clients, I've never met in person because they're in California or they're in New York, or they're wherever they are in the world, and we verify that they are who they say they are, we go through a pretty intensive, you know, screening process, we get to know who they are, what are they looking for, we get down right to the specifics of all of the things we talked about. I mean, for myself, we need to know Do they have kids, not kids? What What do they prioritize? How important is religion? how important our finances, everybody's got those quirks. And not only that, we learn more about them as they date. Because you could say one thing, some people have no dating experience, or they've only ever been with this one person for, say, 10 years. What are you looking for? I don't know, I just dated this one man or woman for 10 years, so they don't know. So part of that is also working with them, to give them opportunities to meet and date and then fine tuned along the way. Like we kind of go into this discovery of Hmm, I thought I liked this type. And I thought that I was attracted to Xyz. But in reality, I deliver x, y, z, I'm like, Yeah, not for me, I'm looking for something else. Right? So you have to I think working with a matchmaker also allows people to get dating experiences for those who just don't have any dating experiences outside of who they were with for the last, you know, X number of years. So that that's another important thing to think about.
Molly Dare 16:25
Amazing. And you know, I remember seeing in one of your posts on Instagram, you're talking about how busy your day was, and that you were mentioning how you were coaching people at night that were on the date like actually calling you while they were on the dates. And I was like, Oh, that is so interesting. What kind of questions do you get called about while people are on a date?
Carmelia Ray 16:42
You know it that they'll either call I do prep? I'd sometimes do powwows? Before the date, right? Like we do need prep? What should I wear? They'll send me their outfit. They literally like this look cute. What do you think? So there's, those are some of the things. The other thing, sometimes people lose phone numbers are like, Oh, I don't have their phone number. Oh, what restaurant Am I going to? So we're literally doing those kinds of administrative things. And then if they're on the date, I've had people say things like, I'm not sure what to say, or they mentioned this, what do I say now like, of course, they'll excuse themselves, or my date is, I remember this one client of mine, and he's now engaged, hired me twice worked with me for six months, and another six months, he's now engaged. And during one of the times, the woman was 20 minutes late, and he was ready to leave. I contacted the woman. And the woman said, I did not anticipate this traffic. I'm so so sorry. I'm I promise. I'm like around the corner or whatever. Right? But he was so ready to like take off right. And I had to calm him down from a saying it was unforeseeable, calm down when she arrived just acknowledge you know, don't get Don't be mad about it. So they ended up having a great date. But can you imagine being greeted a) s she's frustrated because she couldn't get there. b) he's frustrated because he's waiting. So it just kind of part of that is defusing the situation. And and, and kind of playing the middleman and making any any later in the date. And he goes, You know what, thank you for calming me down that could have gone so differently. And I probably would have tore a strip off if that weren't the case, because just that kind of is. You know, what, how do you feel you're laid the first thing he says you're late, you know, like, duh, I already know I'm late. That's not how you want to greet somebody. So sometimes it's like that or the other. Other times they'll say like, do I kiss? Do I not kiss? It's like they're teenagers. It's so cute. It is so cute.
Molly Dare 18:42
You're like having the like the perfect best friend in your pocket that you need, like, Oh, wait, what do I do here?
Carmelia Ray 18:48
Like please, like, should I text like, what should I text or they'll send me their texts. Now my clients like I have those are my clients are gonna be like, don't tell them. They'll send me their text and go, should I send this right? And I'm like, here, so they give it to me. I put my little pizzazz on it. And they're like, all you're so good, because most people aren't great flirts. And I think one of the things and I'm a super flirt, like I got to give flirting classes, okay, so I'll just take their kind of, okay, mediocre text like Hey, how are you handshake cut it to making it a little a little more sassy, a little bit more inviting and more fun. And they already have that in them. So it's not like I'm pretending to be somebody they're not they just need to develop those skills and get comfortable with, you know, coming out and, and so a lot of times people are reluctant to show their true feelings or they're reluctant to be vulnerable and it's in the vulnerability and it's in the kind of going going over the top in some cases, that people feel special and that they that's that extra You know, edge that that makes things memorable. And I always say that people always remember how you make them feel. And so one of the things I strongly advise to people on dates is to not make it about them. But to really make it about the other person's experience. Anytime we think about, you know, what are they doing for us? Did they do this for us? If they do that for us, it's like, all the attentions on you, and then you you get disappointed because your expectations are high, they get disappointed versus what can I do to really make the person in front of me is experience great, whether my experience is good or not? How can I learn to be a better communicator? How can I learn to be a better listener? How can I learn to just be a better, you know, dater? And that has to do with making the other person feel prioritized.
Molly Dare 20:51
Oh, so true. I mean, that's true in any relationship, I think a really good healthy, healthy one. So I mentioned that you are an expert both in matchmaking and media. And you got to combine the two in 2015 as the host and associate producer of a reality dating show called Mom Versus Matchmaker. I need to hear about this.
Carmelia Ray 21:11
Oh, yeah. You know, I was when I left my corporate position at a matchmaking agency that I had been one of the top executives for, like 17 years, I met my current business partner, Pat, and he helped people build blogs. And back then in 2010, I like what's a blog, I didn't know what a blog was, and he's like, you have so much experience, you should just do it on your own. And I was kind of thinking about that already. Molly, right. Like I knew I always had entrepreneurial in me, but I'd worked for a company for so long getting a paycheck, it was nice, you know, to to have that steady thing. But I knew that I was starting to think beyond the job. So I left my job in 2010 to start my own blogging business as a matchmaker. And I first started by teaching other matchmakers what I learned is building, you know, million dollar company, right? And so, when I did that, I started a website. And three years later, the first year of my website, I wrote, like articles, I just wrote advice articles every single day, because he said, SEO is important. People have to like, find you right? And then I we created after I created my blog, I created my personal website, which is carmeliaray.com. Three years later, a production company in Toronto, reached out to me and said, We'd like you to cast for this show called mom versus matchmaker is produced by GO button media. And I'm like, What is it? You would be a matchmaker and compete against moms to see who would do a better job of finding a match? The mom, or you and and, and you know what? I'm very competitive. I'm like, Piece of cake. He's like a mom's like, and when we did my first take, they were like, tell me why you would beat a mom as a matchmaker. I did my take. And they're like, that's the trailer of our show like this is that's her. This is her show. Like this is her show. They told me this afterwards, they did cast, you know, other people. And some of them were some of my peers. So kudos to my peers. I didn't know who they were, because we're not allowed to say, but I did get the role. And it was at my casting tape. I remember the two of them Daniel and Attash as a husband and wife, executive producer team. She's a storyteller. He's a cinematographer, I love this couple. And I just saw them behind the camera and they're like, giddy, they're so like, they're like, oh, my god, she's the money right there. Right. So they sent my tape to the network, which was in LA at the time. And I think within three weeks, they said, yeah, this is your show, then because it was about me. I got I negotiate associate producer credit. So I was able to really put my they really valued my opinion. I wasn't just a host that had to do things like, especially when it's my brand, and I had already built a reputation for myself. But through the four seasons of doing this show, and having had the leverage of TV show doing well it won to a two or three reality TV show awards. It we had 85 countries distributed. My show was dubbed in Spanish. So I saw myself in Spanish, I hated my Spanish voice, by the way, but I was like, Oh my God, I've been dubbed in Spanish so cool. You know, that was my little star moment but it's, you know it that's what happened. And so the media opportunity from that TV, having my own show opened up doors to other TV segments. But regardless of the show, I'd already started to build a profile in Toronto. As a dating expert, and if you google online dating expert, my site is like First Page, Google number one is either first or second or third position. And that's so valuable. If you can get yourself organically, I don't pay any traffic for that. It has garnered me so much media. Because when you Google online dating expert, I come up right. And And not only that, you've got to have good branding, because they can now decide if I'm not first position, or maybe I'm third position, they're going to compare, they're gonna look at all the different people, and they're going to look at who's got video, they're going to look at my social media, they're going to look at my media page, they're gonna like, Oh, she's got a media page. Oh, as seen on, like, on my website, I'm everywhere. So I think that's where I have a bit of an edge. For the people in my industry, although there's many relationship experts that have been seen on this or that right, I just, I just been on a lot. I've been on a lot at this point.
Molly Dare 26:02
And what I love that you pointed out, you kind of listed them. And I just want to I'm just repeating what you said, because I think it's so important for everyone to listen to, is that you put yourself out there to be noticed, through your blog, through your website through video, so that when people are looking for people like you, in your industry experts in the industry that they're looking to feature, they're seeing how you speak how you show up on camera, what your expertise is in in that you're everywhere, and that you're knowledgeable on so many fronts. And I think that's really, really important for people to not only just show up, but show up consistently in your field of expertise on as many different social media platforms in the blog, the website, Instagram, LinkedIn, wherever you can to show up consistently. And that's the best way to get noticed. You You also I would love to hear about sensio, which you're also involved in, which is a premier AI matchmaking app based in LA Am I correct?
Carmelia Ray 26:56
Yeah. And you know, it's so funny that you brought that up sensio right now has we actually did a post because we, it was privately funded and bootstrapped by me and my partners. We were at the verge, because this this is really important to talk about, because a lot of startups, especially in the dating space, don't make it right. We were literally almost at the verge of closing its doors. And I think right now we're in the middle of an acquisition. Can't say who, what, where, but we're in the middle of an acquisition and takeover. So I can't talk about sensio right now, but I would like to pivot and tell you about the matchmaking Academy as well. I don't know if we're going to talk about that. So if you want to talk about that we can
Molly Dare 27:38
that's no that was gonna be my next question, actually. Because you recently launched as he said, a digital matchmaking Academy just this past October, right, focusing on the entire business cycle of matchmaking and date coaching, please let us know what you are, what you just launched and what it's all about.
Carmelia Ray 27:54
So the matchmaking Academy is a digital school that certifies love professionals, okay, in I think it was two years ago, one of my partners co founders, Hunt Etheridge is an award winning dating coach. And he is somebody that I've partnered with, we actually just created our mission statement. I want to read it to you. Yes. So our mission is to provide advanced training and mentorship programs to prepare future lead professionals with the knowledge and skills to prosper profit and positively impact the matchmaking and dating industry. So anybody who's thinking about having a career and matchmaking that wants to do what I do, I created a school for them to do that. And once you complete the video curriculum, it comes with a 12 month mentorship program, and we now have just created a matchmaking incubator to really launch people who want to become a matchmaker. It can be part time, it can be full time, it can be whatever you want, but it's such a rewarding and fun career. And it can be done part time especially if you're dealing with a small client base and some people just know they they're matchmakers. They love this. They have matched people in the past, right or they're great with people. So that's what the matchmaking Academy is. We are doing spring enrollments and fall enrollments. My two partners hunt Etheridge and we brought on our third Michelle g another award winning match a celebrity matchmaker. The three of us will be launching our new website soon, but matchmakingacademy.com you can learn about that. If you're thinking you might have what it takes to be a matchmaker.
Molly Dare 29:34
And you have an upcoming media mastermind boot camp, right?
Carmelia Ray 29:39
Yes, I have a media mastermind boot camp coming up if you go to my Instagram, and you click on my social tab, which is a link there is a button the second button on my site. So yeah, it's it's something new that I'm doing, because I've had so much media and I get so many questions about it. How did you do that? How do I do that? How can you help and I can't tell you the benefit and power of media. It's just, it's incredible what being featured in the media can do for your brand and for your business. And really for your visibility, because the more eyeballs are on what you're doing, when I got featured in The New York Times, very recently, for a clubhouse wedding, the the number of qualified candidates that came in from that one post, and also it's the New York Times, so it's a certain readership, right. So that's one thing that's important when you're targeting media, is you want to target the outlets, they're going to have the viewers or audience that you want to speak to. And if you can get on those platforms, and you can get featured, then obviously, you want to make sure you're driving them to the right offer. And for me right now it is either to be matched or to get in the media. So I'm like the media Matchmaker, that's what I think I'm doing.
Molly Dare 31:04
Oh my gosh, it's a perfect combination of the two. I do. I mean, I can't drive this home enough. And you do an incredible job at this. And you guys, if you're interested in getting yourself out there and knowing how to do it in the most effective way possible. Carmelia, and her boot camp is definitely the way the way to go. Because you need to be seen and people need to find you need to figure out how to do that. You know, for those who are wanting to get into media to grow their audience, can you give us some basic tips, or just a few basic tips on how to even get started?
Carmelia Ray 31:35
Yeah, the first place to get started is for you to really craft an incredible bio. And you've got to let the media know why you Who do you serve? What are you the expert at? So from in my mind, Molly, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. when when when media journalists are looking for people to speak, they're looking for the thought leaders, they're looking for the experts. They're looking for the go to like, who is hot right now. And so they'll go into Google, online dating expert, matchmaking expert media expert, right. So make sure that when you are posting things online, that you yourself are labeling yourself as that expert, right. So that word itself, or maybe it is thought leader, whatever that is. So you've got to have that bio that tells people who you are, what you do, who you serve, because guess what, I'm the matchmaker for entrepreneurs, celebrities and influencers. I'm not the matchmaker, per se for single moms, divorced dads, women over 50 seniors, I am, but if they're influencers, entrepreneurs or celebrities, they'll be caught in that bucket. I'm a matchmaker for entrepreneurs, and that's who I want to work with because I resonate with entrepreneurs. So it's really important that you niche down the people you serve, because there's all kinds of people, the more that you can narrow it down. For example, I can be the matchmaker for dog lovers. Imagine if I could just do that. Who do you go to? Oh, you look you have dogs you got to go to Carm she matched me because you know she does she matches owners and their pets to make sure they're a great fit cat lovers and cat lovers, birds and birds. I don't know. a tarantula iguanas like, I can get it. I just thought about that. Right? Like, that's how simple it can be when it comes down because then they know you're the go to for for that category. And then finally, like, how do you do that? What's your secret sauce? Why are you the best matchmaker and me? I'm a hustler, right. And part of my secret sauce is the media profile, and also in the diversity of the people that I'm working with. So that's what I would have to say, have a clear bio, who you are, what you do, how you do it, which is really important. And then finally, video, if you want to get on television. Now we're doing audio right now I can see my Molly's beautiful face on zoom. But we're doing audio you can't see what I see. And thank goodness because I'm not ready
Molly Dare 34:13
On both ends thank goodness.
Carmelia Ray 34:14
Yeah, on both ends, thank goodness. So if you can show yourself on camera, looking at the camera, as if you were already in the studio. That means your background is checked, your lighting is checked, your makeup is on point or for men you're properly groomed. You're now this is not YouTube and Tik Tok. Yes, you can be grainy and whatever. But there should be a piece of content on there that really shows you polished that really shows you speaking to the audience solving a problem or giving a point of view that would be interesting to their audience. Teach me something share something wow me awe me make me cry. Make mad, make me emote something, right. So if you don't take a stand on something, I think that that's really what stands out are people who are willing to take a stand to give their opinion. And to do it confidently. And with clarity, you only get one minute to three minutes, if you're lucky to do national news, I've been given five to six minute segments. And that's insane. And I love that I can do that. And I could probably rock a 15 minute session. But I've had features done in the media because they know I can bring good quality content, I'm not going to eff up on anything, even if I do, I'll fast I'll quickly recover, right? Like they want somebody that's reliable, on time, the true expert, and they know their content. So I'm going I'm actually preparing for my next morning segment, my third time on a massive on a major network. That's nationally syndicated here, in Canada, because I built a great relationship with the producer, we've now become great friends. And I honor that friendship, and I'm gonna give her the best content, and I'm going to give her the insider stuff, and I'm going to be over the top and do the research. So she knows when there's a show that she's produced, and she's picked me, I'm going to make her proud, I'm gonna make the network proud, they're gonna be like, we need her back. Again, we're already talking about the next segment and the next segment. So that's how you get repeatedly asked back, you maintain those relationships, you honor those relationships. And guess what you need to do, you just need to bring it on air. And I did that I remember Tamisha Harris, when I did the weekender or I think it was this a CNN bit. And I had said I wanted to send her something, I sent her an Amazon gift card afterwards. She didn't expect it. But cnn was on my hit list. And when I hit it, I wanted to thank the producer and I wanted to send her something so I could be remembered and let her just really know how grateful I was. And she and I remember her testimony. She's like, you know what, you didn't need to do that. Because what you brought was great news to our audience. And that's, that's the thanks that we have for you. And I'm like, awesome, I'll do it again. And again. And again, if you let me, she moved on to another network. And I had a great relationship with her. But now she's doing mainly just news and finance, and politics, which I have to find a way it's really just very, you know, nothing to do with relationships. But I know that if I do a good job for one producer, I've been a lot I've been recommended by other producers. And they'll say, hey, this happened on the list. I was working with Mike Dunn from the list. I was on the list four times. And then I got another producer from the list that asked me to do something for them. He said Mike Dunn gave me a recommendation he said you were amazing to work with. And so that's another thing is don't be a diva. Don't be like what do you call a man? Do you call men divas too?
Molly Dare 38:08
Yeah, men can be divas for sure.
Carmelia Ray 38:08
Don't be a divo or a diva. Like, like thinking you're too good. Like, look, if I can get a segment any media segment to me is valuable. And I treat them like gold. And I'm not going to Well, let me check my schedule. No, I really can't do that. I mean, fine if you're a Kim Kardashian or someone else, but I don't I think at any level that I'll get up the media ladder, I'm still going to always remember how difficult it is to get placement, it really is not easy to get placement. And so I value that. So anytime that I can be available. I'm ready. Like I will be ready if I need to. Even if I may not look like I'm ready, you will you won't know it. And that's about crafting and honing your skills and do and saying yes, more times than you can say no, right?
Molly Dare 38:10
That's great advice. And I love so much of what you said. But it's you know, it's showing up, it's showing up consistently. It's building those relationships so that they offer when someone else has an opportunity, they mention your name. So whoever it is that you are in front of make sure you're bringing your best self forward because you never know who they know. Right. It's this much smaller world than I think we think and people talk and if you give a good first impression, it goes a long way. It really does because opportunities come.
Carmelia Ray 39:31
Yeah, and Molly, I also help the producers themselves and I have equally incredible friends in other industries. You know if I'll say hey Marissa, if you need a wellness expert, I got your back. If you need a real real estate expert, a chef, a hot single, like if you need anything, just ask me because my Rolodex of people. Is is large and you are welcome to to to it you know, so
Molly Dare 40:03
Make a good impression with Carmelia.
Carmelia Ray 40:07
Same thing when they want to be on my podcast or your podcast of all the people that we can interview, we have to be selective about that, because we want to make sure that I'm giving the listeners the best too. If I think that I'm the best, I want to bring the best to people to the podcast.
Molly Dare 40:26
Absolutely. And it's, you know, what I what I try to remind people because and I'm sure you get way more than even I do, I get hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people filling in the application wanting to be guests, I only have 52 slots in a year, right. And I have to make sure that I have diversification of topics. It's not even just to how amazing you are. But it's also I need to spread out all the different topics and all the different industries, you know, as well to best serve the audience. So there's so much that goes into play into who is picked and when they're picked, and all of that. So one last question I love to ask Carmelia is, is why why do you do what you do? What is your WHY?
Carmelia Ray 41:02
My why. I'm doing this, I'm probably emotional because it's that time of month. listeners, I am so sorry, the female in me, you know, I went through a very difficult divorce, as you mentioned. And I went through my first really challenging heartbreak. And I was in an abusive relationship at the age of 19. That was a really dark moment in my life. And to me, I think that love is really at the center of everything good. And when you have a great partnership, and by the way, love of self and being on your own, I think being powerfully single, and loving yourself. And knowing your worth is so important. That's where you start. But if you are coming from that place, and you're able to meet someone that can complement that can enhance that can partner with you, if I'm able to facilitate that for other people. There's no amount of money or greater reward than seeing that I have a client that just got married this past weekend. She's 44 single never married, she met the person that she that we introduced her to, I believe that he's divorced, but it was her first marriage. And at 44. When she came to me she's thinking, you know, this is my last kind of resort, right? I've done everything and she's wildly successful. She's absolutely stunningly beautiful. And all of her friends believe she deserves somebody as did I. And to see her connect at this stage in her life. It was just like a fairy tale wedding. That's why I love to do that. I just think that we all deserve love. And again, okay with being single, but if you're single and you want to meet someone, knowing that you can, that I can support and help make that, that experience easier. And more fun, is really what I do it for. I just believe in it so much because I've had my heart broken, and I wish I had someone like me. And now I do. I work with other professionals. I have a therapist, I have matchmakers if ever I'm single again, I'm good. Like I I'm, is like Bring it on. I'm coming from abundance here. I'm not coming from other any good guys are there aren't any good girls. It's like, how many people can I date this week? You know, it's gonna be so fun.
Molly Dare 43:34
Oh my gosh, Carmelia, thank you so much for joining me today and giving us so many amazing takeaways because we're all pushing ourselves to get out there again, pursuing our passions and our dreams. And thank you to everyone for joining us today and see you all again next week. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Air with Molly Dare. Your support means everything to me and to the guests who are sharing their personal stories. The best way to support this podcast series is with a five star rating on iTunes. Writing a quick written review gives me all the feels and I read every single one and it means so much. If you screenshot your review and send it to us, you will be entered into our monthly giveaway and who doesn't love free stuff. The best way for this podcast to grow is by word of mouth and I would love for you to tell a friend share on social media. tag me in your stories if there's an episode or guests that really hits home for you. If you are interested in learning more about what I do or one received my Mondays with Molly video series with insights on each episode and my personal takeaways, head to mollydare.com. And you can sign up there. See you next episode and in the meanwhile, do something daring this week.
