From what we feed our children to how we discipline them or how much time we spend with them, it can feel as though there are so many parenting rules to follow that it’s impossible to do anything right. It seems everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your kids, especially during this trying time of the pandemic, but what if instead of tearing each other down, we supported one another? In this episode, Rachael Amarante will be sitting down with me to discuss all things parenting, specifically how she has built a huge community of uplifting and supporting moms.
Listen in as we dive deep and get real about what we as moms have to deal with on a day-to-day basis and why raising boys is just as difficult as raising girls. You will learn how you can become involved in The Awakening Motherhood Project, why chivalry will never go away and Rachael’s top tips for every parent out there searching to raise their children with confidence. Remember: as long as you are giving every day your best shot, you deserve to celebrate.
What You’ll Learn:
What The Awakening Motherhood Project is all about.
The importance of understanding your power as a woman.
Why we must recognize the masculine and the feminine energy in life.
How to maneuver through the ups and downs of parenting.
Why it is okay to not be okay.
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“My mission is to show women their confidence and joy … because when we do that and share it with each other, then our kids learn to do that, too.” - Rachael Amarante
“When you find your joy and your happiness and your definition of success, it has nothing to do with anyone else.” - Rachael Amarante
“There is nothing to lose by sharing each other’s greatness, and there is plenty of space for all of us to be brilliant in this world.” - Rachael Amarante
Resources:
Rachael Amarante: Website
EPISODE 39
RACHAEL AMARANTE
TRANSCRIPT:
*Please note that transcripts are auto-transcribed, they are for reference only and may contain typos*
Molly Dare 0:07
Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of on air with Molly Dare. I have the amazing Rachael Amarante on this week's episode, and we dive into all things, parenting, she has an amazing community that's uplifting and supporting moms in this beautiful chapter of parenthood that we're all or a lot of us are experiencing. And we get real with what we deal with, especially during this past year during a pandemic, trying to balance it all. You know, for me, I can tell you that this past year and a half being a single mom of two teen girls, and I always add the teen because it's a special special phase of parenting. When you have teens that you are raising, I've definitely added to my my coffee and wine collection during these years. But you know, just how we've managed it, how we've kind of gone through it and all the challenges that we as a community as a parenting community could do better, you know, could we have be more supportive instead of tearing each other down? Or judging one another on how we're parenting through this time? And how do we just wrap our arms around one another and be like, you know what, I know you're doing your best. Could you imagine if just everyone just said that? How amazing that would feel like good job, thank you for doing your best today. And whatever that is for each parent, mother or father, that's up to them. And we only know how to parent with the tools that we have. And as long as our intent is to give each day our best shot. I think I think we can celebrate that at this point, considering what we've all just come through. You know, I was just talking with a friend about recent challenges. You know, I love my girls to death and i and i do joke a lot about you know, having a 13 and almost 16 year old, she will be turning 16 actually, that week this episode comes out. And, you know, in my mind, it's like, oh my gosh, it's the sweet 16 my little baby is is you know, she's getting her license. She's to be going to college soon. You know, I already have even though we are three years away, I already have the countdown to when she's leaving for college. So I'm already you know, teary eyed on everything. So I'm like, I'm gonna throw her this amazing party. And I'll have her invite all her friends and I'll have it catered. You know, I've been saving up for this party that I wanted to throw her. I was speaking to event planners and caterers and we were going with this black and gold theme. And you know, super excited. And then just the other day she turns to me, she's like, Yeah, no, Mom, I don't want that. I'm like, What do you mean, I we've be planning this, this is gonna be amazing. And she's a mom, I just want to hang with my friends. And just like, basically, it's you know, she wants to have a friend party and basically being like, yeah, Mom, you're not invited to this party. Let me tell you about my heart. My heart broke a little actually I spoke with with their dad because I was so upset about and I'm like, I'm just so hurt. I'm just I can't believe she doesn't want me like, that's how it felt to me, you know, that I wasn't wanted, or she didn't want her mom there. And he's like, you're taking it so personally, these are kids, they're 16 year old. They just want to hang out and have fun. They don't want mom or dad there. And I'm like, but yeah, but I gave her life. I think that gives me like VIP entrance to any party that she has, from this moment on. And, you know, things are changing and and it's it's tough. And I love that I can speak to my community about this. Listen, I love that I can speak to my ex husband about this. Let's be honest. And I think it's important that we have these honest conversations about how we're feeling and different milestones and like, hey, my kid is attached to me this day and wants nothing to do with me on this day. How are you navigating this? Anyway, I just am a huge fan of Rachael's. I know you will be too. I hope you enjoy this episode. And without further ado, let's meet Rachael.
Hello, and welcome to On Air with Molly Dare. And I am here today with Rachel Amarante - mother of four young boys, creator of the Awakening Motherhood Project. Rachael, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Rachael Amarante 4:05
Thank you for having me. I'm so grateful to be here.
Molly Dare 4:09
Rachel and I were already starting to talk. I'm like, Oh, wait, we need to record I forgot. There's so much to discuss, so much to discuss. And I'm going to go right into it with you today. Because the platform you're creating for moms and women is really powerful. And we'd love for everyone listening to know what you're about. So what is the awakening motherhood project?
Rachael Amarante 4:27
Yeah, so you know, it kind of came about for me when I had a few little awakening moments in the past few years when my anxiety was really high. My perfectionism was really high, my controlled spirit was really high and I would see my boys who are 3, 8, 9 and 10. I would see them start to behave and react to situations the same way that I was then trying to also be perfect and also be controlled. Then I thought oh my god like this is this is not what I want. For my kids, it's not what I want for other mothers around me. And it's not what I want for my boys to become when they become adults and look at women. You know, I'm also like, I'm the only one they've got like, I'm the only woman in their life. And so I want them to know the strength and the power and the transformative nature of women and mothers. And so I knew that I had to do something maybe drastic, or just a little bit less afraid in my life in order to show them what we're made of. So the awakening motherhood project kind of came out of a few different situations, but launched in late March of this past year 2021. And right now, it is a space where I provide no BS motherhood, and the real grittiness of where we can find joy in our souls. And I'm not talking about like banging cars against each other on the floor, or bubbles, because I hate both of those things, I will never do bubbles with my kids, because they're sticky, and I don't love them. And I don't like playing with cars. And for the longest time, I was like shit, like, I have to actually do this. And to be happy and to be a good mother. And, and it took me a long time to realize that I don't. And I'm a really great mother because I do other things. And because I show my kids our power, and we do other things together. And so my mission is to show women their confidence and their joy. Without that doesn't mean uprooting their lives, changing their schedules or other things like that. But really finding what brings us joy in our soul. Because when we do that, and share it with each other, then our kids learn to do that, and learn to find it in other people too. And that's that's the point.
Molly Dare 6:45
Absolutely. And I just love that so much. And as a mom, so I'm a mom of two girls. But I have friends who are a mom of just boys. And you know, we have a lot of conversations about raising girls in this day and age and raising boys in this day and age. What do you think mom of boys need to keep in mind as they're raising these boys right now?
Rachael Amarante 7:05
Yeah, and it's funny I have some of my closest friends have, you know, all girls. And so we talked about this a lot of time, actually, the husbands. And I talk a lot because you know, they're raising the girls, and I'm raising the boys. I think boys have just as hard of a time right now as little girls, honestly, yes, I am a total feminist and Girl Power all the way. But I also want my boys to work hard and have the opportunities that they deserve in their lives. What I want them to realize about women, is that how powerful we are, and that we have different brains than they do for a reason, for a good reason. And we need both of those energies, the masculine and the feminine to in order to create, whether it's in politics, whether it's in business, whether it's in relationships, and everyone has masculine and feminine energies within them. I want my boys to be able to look at those energies and find the people on the inside, and what they can do for what they can do for them and how to respect them and things like that. So that's really important to me.
Molly Dare 8:13
Yeah, I absolutely agree. You know, I think it's a really confusing time. Sometimes, at least, this is what I was discussing with, with a friend of mine, that it's a very confusing time, being a mom of boys, because men and boys are getting kind of mixed messages. And I'm as big of a feminist as there is. But I think it's also very confusing. Like, do I hold the car door open for her? Or she going to be offended that I'm holding the car? Yeah. for it? Should I offer to pay for dinner? Or is she gonna think that I assume she can't afford to pay for dinner. It's confusing.
Rachael Amarante 8:43
I hope that that, that politeness that chivalry never goes away. My husband does it for me. And he did it. And he went, his mom only had boys. And it's the first few things that I noticed when we started dating 16 years ago. And I noticed it now. And I expect my boys do that when when we have parties. And all the kids, you know, 20 of them come running into, you know, go through the dinner line. It is ladies first at my house. And it is ladies first we play games. And I don't even have to say it to my boys anymore. And I hope that that does not go away. I think that there is a level of beauty and respect in that space. And I hope that that stays forever.
Molly Dare 9:27
I absolutely agree. And I think it's what I've tried to say it's like, no, it's a sign of respect. And that's what it is. It's not assuming they can't do what it is right back that is given and it's just you know, I think that's important to point out. You also brought up when you were just speaking about perfectionism, and this this plague of perfectionism that I think a lot of moms fall under I'm guilty as well. Recovering perfectionist.
Rachael Amarante 9:53
Yes, me too.
Molly Dare 9:54
You know, and I think it's a hard challenge because for so long, we were so expected to do it all and to do It all perfectly. And I think I'm starting to see a shift, you know, being okay not being 100%. And I hope that continues and that you don't always say yes to everything.
Rachael Amarante 10:12
Yeah, absolutely. I think that it started for me, I really started to notice I shouldn't say, in the past, in a past life that I had, you know, I had a, I had a lot of young women that I was working with. And whether it was the women that, you know, in the in the office space, or the media that we were talking to, or the world that we lived in, I would always get the question, how do you do at all? How do you do it all. And because I was in a place in my life that I felt I had to, and I felt like, I have power, because I'm Superwoman. And I do it all. That's what I created power and happiness success is because I did it all. So I would say like, Oh, you know, I don't know. And like, go on my crazy ass way, when there was really like a massive tornado behind me, of you know, whatever nonsense. And then I started to realize I'm not doing them any justice. I'm not doing myself any justice. And I'm certainly not doing my kids any justice. Like, there's no one running our ship. And there's also no one providing these younger women who are 5-10 years maybe behind us in motherhood, they're not being armed with anything useful. And I don't want to give you know, BS, I just don't that's not that's not who I am. And so I, that was a really big turning point to me. And, and I would like to say to that, when you find your joy and your happiness and your definition of success, it has nothing to do with anyone else. You know, it has nothing to do with your past workplaces. And the greatness and the beauty that came from there, it has nothing to do with your marriage, or the relationship that you're in with, with your partner that comes internally. And when you create that within yourself, nobody can take that away. So when your kids go off to college, you'll still have it when your kids get married, and then you know, I have all boys like they're gone forever, like, I will still have that for myself. And that's so important as women and mothers, because our lives are roller coasters. And as mothers our lives, pivot and transform every sometimes every hour of the day. And that's the thing. I was telling my husband last night actually, as it's like the last week of summer here, and we're trying, you know, like my boys four social schedules. I'm like, I am a rock band manager. If I like I would school, any agent out there, because of what mothers are capable of doing.
Molly Dare 12:44
So true.
Rachael Amarante 12:45
It is right.
Molly Dare 12:46
So true. And you say often motherhood is our journey, not our kids. Yeah, explain that more?
Rachael Amarante 12:51
Yes. Okay. So, motherhood is just a really big, super important job. It is our It is our journey. It is our lives. It's not our kids lives. It is our jobs to live. And it is their jobs to grow. They get to live their own lives next, just like our parents no longer get to be the parents to our kids. And they have to, you know, back off a little bit, right, they had their opportunity. Now, here's ours, but it is our life. And I am not willing to live my life around my kids. I spend a lot of time with them. And I love them. And they are on this journey of building this brand with me from they read the blogs that I write, they edit, you know, whatever I'm doing, they know what podcasts I'm on. And I want that for my boys because I want them to know how hard it is and how much work and but how much worth it is to put yourself out there and do something that's scary. I want them on this journey with me. But it's not about them. This is about me and about you and about all the mothers that are that are to come.
Molly Dare 14:04
I love that you're saying this because I know that so many women lose themselves in motherhood and then they wake up five years, 10 years later, and they're like, what happened? Where did I go? Where was that joy that i i thought not. I mean, listen, I love motherhood. I love my girls, anybody who watches me it's like I talk about them non stop. But it is it is my journey and it is my life and I'm with you 100% on that. Another thing that you say which I love is seeking and sharing ways to find no BS joys in our lives. Give me some examples. What are some no BS joys?
Rachael Amarante 14:36
Okay, a couple of good ones that I like are my go to so one for me is like when it's mass chaos in my house, like usually, you know, four o'clock or whatever five o'clock. I'm trying to do like all the things at the same time and everyone's arguing throwing stuff like my kids like I don't know if girls are like this, but they always have to be like, aggressively touching each other. You know? Like, I'm like what is the deal? Like, I don't understand it. And I also have a dog, like who's one years old. So she's just like right in there. So usually, and then someone comes up to me and is, you know, complaining about something. And so what I do is, I lay on the ground and do I and I do legs up the wall, you know, like the yoga pose, or like your bum, and your legs are literally up the wall, and you're laying on your back. And it's a super relaxing pose. So when I did it, the very first time I did it, because I like I was going to freak out. But immediately when I did that, like everyone stopped, and I'm not sure if they stopped because they're like, why is mom on the ground with her legs in the air? Or it was because you know, what actually, like changed the energy in the room. But I would try that, I would definitely try legs at the wall. The other thing I do is I either go outside, and in moments of like, too much in moments of anxiety and moments of worry, I go outside, I don't care if it's raining snowing, 90 degrees, whatever. And I put my feet in the grass, and I look up to the sky. And it is an instant reminder of how small I am. And how connected we are to our earth and how how much magic we have within us.
Molly Dare 16:16
And this is referred to as grounding, right? Is that what it's called?
Rachael Amarante 16:19
Grounding. Yes, yes. And I actually do it for my boys too. Like one of my boys in particular, he gets really stir crazy, and just like totally off the wall. And I'm like, Jackie, you need to go run a couple laps, just like we live in an acre of land, go like, you know, take a stroll, walk through the garden, go by the treehouse, like, get yourself outside. And I'm like, and you have to be in bare feet. So so I do that for them too. And I think that the things like that, that we do for ourselves, teach them what works, you know?
Absolutely. I mean, they're watching you, you don't even realize how much they're picking up on.
I know. I know. So those are two things that really bring me joy. And what I mean by no BS is like, I'm not gonna, I'm not ever gonna talk about things that are, you know, supposed to be joyful. Obviously, everyone has their different definition of what brings them happiness in their day, or peace or solitude. But I'm not ever going to talk about the things that are supposed to be that way in motherhood, because I that never worked for me. And that just made me feel like a bad mother for a long time. So I think that's important to share. And I get great ideas from, you know, my mom, friends and other people in our community and women who aren't mothers who are on this journey to and so I think the idea of sharing with each other is super, super important.
Molly Dare 17:48
Yeah, and sharing openly and honestly, it's so important. Yeah, I was one of the first people in my friend group to have kids. And I was really honest with my friends as when they were pregnant. I'm like, this is what really, these are the emotions you're actually going to have. It's not all bliss and whatever. And then like the first six months, this is actually what you're going to feel sometimes. And it's okay. And I can't tell you how many friends were like, thank you so much for making me feel normal for having not always positive thoughts.
Rachael Amarante 18:19
I went through the exact same situation. I had some friends who did the opposite. They were like, it's beautiful. And it's amazing. And you're gonna love it. And it's awesome. And I was like, I have a three month old, a 16 month old and now I'm pregnant. Don't tell me it's gonna be awesome. Cuz it's not. And that's okay. But you need to exit because I can't I just can't have that energy right now. And that's what started me on like the Find your people, you know, path too, because we need the people that are gonna be real with us and gonna be honest, and it makes it that much more enjoyable. Talk about perfection, like you know, hearing that like, Oh my god, you're gonna love it and you're amazing. And and then when you don't you think, Oh my god, I'm not enough. Immediately. I'm not enough. And I don't want mothers to ever feel like they are not enough.
Molly Dare 19:13
Yeah, absolutely. We need to normalize that it's okay to not be okay. That's Okay. Yes, it's normal. It's more normal than always being okay. And having that smile on.
That's what you need to normalize. Right? Yeah. The opposite for sure.
Absolutely. You know, you do a lot of with sharing women owned small businesses as part of your brand spotlight series. Why is that such a passion for you?
Rachael Amarante 19:37
Yeah, you know, and that came on sort of organically. I love the universe and what she does for us, because that was not really a part of the original plan. But in my sort of experiment with joy, I found so many women who are living what I'm talking about who have taken big risks for their family and friends. shown themselves and their kids what they're made of, in order to pursue and live their passions. And I thought, what better way to support them because I'm a huge supporter of small business and women's own business and antique thrift store shopping secondhand. So what better way to show my support than to share their story and who they are. And I do that via my website and my newsletter, and then via social media. And it's been awesome. I haven't I do it probably once a month. I'm getting a you know, a few more inquiries, which is great. So I might do I think I'm gonna do it more like I don't see why not. There is nothing to lose by sharing each other's greatness. And there is plenty of space for all of us to be brilliant in this world.
Molly Dare 20:48
Absolutely. And this is where you and I are. Well, we're aligned in a lot of ways. But this definitely, we love putting the spotlight on women, right? Yeah. should do a podcast!
Rachael Amarante 20:56
Oh, my God. Okay, maybe Sure. Yeah, right. That is right.
Molly Dare 21:01
Well, you're also working on publishing your book, right? Can you tell me a little bit about that?
Rachael Amarante 21:06
I can, yes, I am working on that. And I hope it's going to be done in published next year, later next year, sometime. But what I found is that, you know, I have all the parenting books, all the spiritual mother books, all of the you know, how to be calm, how to be peaceful, how to be, you know, all the things. And they're amazing. And I have all the pages folded, and the passages highlighted. And I go back to them probably every year or so. Right. And I think that that's very healthy. And those are wonderful. But what I needed in my life a couple of years ago, and I still do now are actionable things. Like, what can I do after I'm reading this page that will bring me joy and confidence right now. Because like, you know, shit's hitting the fan out in the kitchen, or my husband's traveling for the next eight days, or, you know, everybody's sick in the house, like, what do I do right now. And so this, this book is a way to provide actionable, very simple, but actionable ways to find joy in our life. And that is through community through food, because I really love food, through, you know, practices we can do within ourselves and in our soul. And you know, a lot of movement and things like that. And it's something that I have really wanted in my life. And I have a really great publishing partner that I'm going to be working with. And I'm really excited for that. Yeah. And we'll see where that goes.
That is super exciting. Let me know when it come so I can support and share.
For sure. Yeah.
Molly Dare 22:40
Speaking of supporting and sharing it, you know, you did bring up social media a little bit earlier. What are your thoughts on social media for adults and for kids?
Yeah, I have a hard time with social media. Because one I know its importance and value in building a brand building a business. I have also made through clubhouse specifically made insane connections with men and women who just inspire me, you are one of them every day, who inspire me who keep me going, who unapologetically provide advice and contacts to each other. And I think that that is it's just insane what that platform has been able to do. It's like all the good people just like you know, all the hustlers just all found each other somehow.
I say all the time, I found my people where you have all been?
Rachael Amarante 23:38
That's right that's how I feel. So I love it for that for that, right. And then that's for obviously for adults. For me as a creative who's also trying to write a book and do creative things and be present in my life. It's a total time suck. Yeah. And I think that I'm, you know, everyone could could definitely agree with that. And I think that we have to, it's just like the masculine and feminine energy of like, being the peaceful, calm, creative, and being the hustler. We have to give ourselves and our souls space to have both of those things in our life. And I think they're important for kids. My oldest just turned 11 does not have social media has asked to have it and we say No, and I don't think that's not a place that I've crossed yet. So I have a hard time providing advice because I'm really not there quite there yet. But I would say like straight up No. Nope.
Molly Dare 24:38
I am so impressed that you're holding out and jealous because I honestly, no truly I see the damage that it does. I've seen it firsthand. You know we didn't which I think is a great we didn't see what we were missing out on growing up. Yeah, we didn't want to ever feel left out. We didn't watch our friends go to the mall with someone else post those pictures with them, or the four or the six or the eight that they weren't invited to. It wasn't in our face. Yeah. And it is. So in our face this feeling of what mean, we call it FOMO. But it's, it's we're feeling left out, you know, and it's we're watching people, obviously, it's like their highlight reels and their best moments, but it's like, oh, they're having so much fun, or Oh, I wish I was invited to that. And it's like a constant reminder of that. And when you're young, and you don't know how to deal with those feelings, it's very confusing, and it can be very damaging.
Rachael Amarante 25:32
Yeah, I agree. And, you know, you brought up a great point, because I feel like as adults as mothers our mothers didn't have that either. So that's where we have such heightened expectations and levels of perfectionism. Well, whether we're talking about our mental stability, our choices of whether we're going to stay home, whether we're going to work in an office, whether we're going to do both of those things. Our body image, as mothers has completely changed since our mothers, you know, we're doing what we're doing now. And that's one of the things that I want to break down, you know, I've sort of changed this whole FOMO idea into Jomo, you know, joy, instead of fear. And because when I look at social media, and I look at things that I wasn't invited to, I 100% believe that the universe has us where it needs us at that moment. So maybe you couldn't go on the Vegas vacation because your son was sick, or your husband had surgery, okay? Your life needs you there for a reason. At that moment. Maybe all of your all of your girlfriends, you know, went someplace, and they didn't invite you, wherever you are on that day, is where you're needed. And you might not know the reason why you might find it out a little bit later you usually do. But you might not know it that day, and I'm very passionate about. And that's part of finding joy in our souls is knowing that we are where we are, because that is where we're meant to be. And that is a completely different conversation with children. You can't have that with young girls. You can't have that with young boys. I just know that. It's not It's not something that I'm open to my children, my boys having. Yeah, I can't imagine having little girls in the social media space. And yeah, all like the positive light to you, guys to you. When you're doing that.
Molly Dare 27:38
I tell everyone. So my girls are 13 and 15, almost 16 right now. And I said, send and all the coffee and wine that you can because that is what I'm doing on 24/7, I'm a single mom of two teen girls. And it's Listen, whether single or not, it's tough.
Rachael Amarante 27:55
I agree, Molly, but and the thing. The thing is, is like, You talk a lot about your kids. And I think that bringing your girls into the conversation and maybe bringing them into some of these conversations, I don't know if they've listened to any of your podcasts, how powerful that can be for them to see what their mother came from and is doing now. That is the light that they need to continue to see over and over and over again. And not just your successes. But we need to be showing our kids our failures, too.
Absolutely. Oh, I'm so passionate about that.
Yes. So am I and I, every night we sit at the dinner table. Well, let me be clear every night that all six of us are together, you sit at the dinner, right? Without activities or whatever. We sit at the dinner table together, and we talk about our highs or lows and something that we did that day that scared us. And it took a while for the boys to like really open up like, I didn't have any loss, or whatever. But once my husband and I really started talking about like, our lows for the day, like, Hey, I you know, wrote this article, and this magazine said that they didn't want to work with me. Okay, you know, my boys were very concerned that that happened that day to me. And I'm like, yeah, you know, really bummed me out, but I'm just gonna, you know, edit it, work on it some more and send it to somebody else. And my husband would do the same thing about his work. And they started to feel like that was a safe space for them to fail. And I want my boys to fail now, so that they don't end up like me, you know, and never want to fail when they're, you know, almost 40
Molly Dare 29:24
Oh, it's so important. It's so important to provide that safe space of non perfectionism of at least you tried, right? This is, do you know how brave you are to try or to give it your best effort? Whatever the result is, it is but the fact that you tried that you did it is really powerful. And I'm just proud of you for that. So many adults are so afraid to take that next step because they're afraid of others opinion or how they're going to explain if it doesn't work out. And I'm like people aren't watching you that close. They're actually more impressed that you're trying something and doing something. If you look back on what I've done, and I'm sure what he what you've done. I don't think anyone could list all the different Things that I've tried or done and which ones were successes, and which ones weren't what they see someone who's going after it and trying.
Rachael Amarante 30:06
And if there's people in your life that don't see it that way, then those people can kindly exit your life.
Molly Dare 30:12
Yes 100%,
Rachael Amarante 30:13
Those people don't matter in your life. And I think that maybe that's an important conversation to start having with, you know, 16 year olds, you know, that, like, not everyone is going to be for them and in their lives.
Molly Dare 30:26
Mm hmm. Oh, for sure. such an important lesson, one that I learned very, very early on, but I'm glad I learned it.
Rachael Amarante 30:34
I think we're all still learning it. And it's not easy, and it's hard to lose and think about losing the relate some of the relationships that you have. But it's just, it's a part of the journey. And again, like where we are where we're supposed to be. And you got to listen to your gut. And if there's something not right with a relationship or with like, a situation just like you need to kindly remove yourself and, and remove that, that negative energy from your life.
Molly Dare 30:59
Absolutely. I believe that everyone comes in your life for a reason or a season, and they're to teach you something. So sometimes it's really great. Sometimes it's it's not really great. Yeah, but it's all there's a reason for it. You need to learn that lesson. It's so important. You have a quote that really resonated with me. It says being busy is a choice. We are all hauling ass all the time. But when you become too busy for something, perhaps that something isn't a priority, either make it one or move on stop being too busy.
Rachael Amarante 31:29
I hate the word being I hate being busy. I mean, yeah, it's just that like, straight up. I think that being too busy is bullshit. And I don't believe that we are too busy for the things that we want to do in our lives. It started when you know, I mean, we have four kids, that's a lot of kids. And my husband would be you know, would say like, we're too busy. You know, we're too busy for that. I'm like, no, we're not like we chose this life. And like, this is Yeah, we are hauling a lot. But it's also really awesome for like these reasons over here. So like stop comparing what we chose to do to other people. And I refuse to be too busy for the things that are important to us, like, date night, or dates with our kids or family night or what you know, whatever all the things that are important to you. I will never be too busy for the things that are important to us. And I think that it comes from that stigma of the busier you are, the more successful and happier you are. And that is not true.
Molly Dare 32:35
Yes, no, we need to stop glamorizing the hustle. Right?
Rachael Amarante 32:38
Yes.
Molly Dare 32:39
Let's glamorize being present.
Rachael Amarante 32:42
Yes. And think about what that will do for our children, especially in the world that we live in right now. If we can start taking away some of that anxiety, and teaching them ways to find joy and to find peace, instead of if they don't hurry up and be on eight different teams, then there might not make you know, this or that or the other thing. That's okay. Because our sense of peace and our sense of happiness is far more important in our lives. And we will have much happier adults, if we teach them that now,
Molly Dare 33:15
Oh, for sure. So when this episode comes out, everyone's kids are going to be just back at school. And there's a lot that goes into that dynamic from like the busy summer noisy household now, it's it's very quiet. And yeah, there's a lot of pressures on the parents too, and level of involvement in the school. And being judged on that. There's just so there's so much dynamics that go on, what are your thoughts on that transition of the back to school transition?
Rachael Amarante 33:42
Yeah, you know, like everyone else, I am thrilled that they're going back to structure and being separated from each other. Am I going to miss the lazy mornings and afternoons at the pool? Or the beach or the zoo? Yeah, I will. But I will be able to do so much more for my own joy, and my own sense of peace and building the brand that I want to build. That that gives me more happiness than keeping them longer. But in terms of getting back to school, and like, you know, the volunteering and you know, all the things and yeah, like I'm a big volunteer at our school, like I ran the gala last year. I'm always one of the people that are called and I am grateful that they feel as though that they can count on my husband and I to show up I am. But I also have let go of all the judgments of what I say yes and no to I say yes to the things that are either run by my small tribe of women who I will have their back and they will have mine in regards to the school. Or I say yes on things that like really fill me up that day. If I can be in the classroom with my kids. If I can read I would read children's books online. All day long. So in those types of things for me those things fill me up. And it's okay to say no to the things that don't fill you up. Because chances are, there's going to be somebody else who would really love to go and you know, calculate, you know, all the funds and do all the finance, like, that's just not my jam. So I don't want to do that. But there will be somebody else for that too.
Molly Dare 35:21
Absolutely. And, you know, my thought on the word now is so I'm a recovering people pleaser. It took me about 40 years to say the word no. And it took me I say, 42 years, I'm now 43, to say no without guilt. And the reason why is because when I say no to something that I don't really want to do, or that I feel pressured into doing, it allows me to show up better to the things that I said yes to. And when I started realizing, Oh, my gosh, I'm actually not drained. I'm not just running from thing to thing. I'm actually showing up to the things I actually look forward to waking up going throughout my day, like, this is what I get to do. And I get to do this, and I get to do this. It's like, Oh, god, look at my schedule, right. So now I'm showing up better, happier, and yeah, present everywhere I go. And when you do that, more opportunities come your way. And it's just fun and the right opportunities. Yep, come your way. And so that made it Okay, I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna start saying no, and it really is like a liberating feeling.
Rachael Amarante 36:18
I think part of it is like, that's part of this awakening motherhood project journey is because I want my kids to know my boys, I want my boys to know that motherhood is not running frantic to everyone else's needs at all times. Yeah, motherhood is about power, and peace, and being able to pivot and transform. And that has nothing to do with doing everything for everybody else. And I think that's another really powerful thing that you're showing your girls that you don't even probably know you're showing them.
Molly Dare 36:52
Absolutely. I am loving this conversation. You and I could talk forever and ever and everabout about every single topic. But I do want to know, what is next for you? Where do you want to take the awakening motherhood project?
Rachael Amarante 37:04
Yeah, you know, I've been thinking a lot and talking to a few other women. I think that later this fall, I've been putting together a sort, of course, or retreats virtually about joy and confidence. So a space that's, you know, four to six weeks, meet once a week, and really talk about and learn ways to find actionable joy, and confidence in the life that they have chosen. It doesn't have anything to do with their jobs in or outside of the home, their, you know, statuses in, you know, how many children they have or where they are in motherhood. But I really want to provide a space for women to learn all the things that I've been researching for years, and I'm just not afraid to share them anymore. And so I want, I think that so much power comes from those retreats and courses, so I plan on offering one of those later this year.
Molly Dare 37:58
Amazing. All right, well, we'll share that as well. Rachael, thank you so much for joining me today and sharing ways to find no BS joys in our lives and reminding us that motherhood is our journey. And thank you everyone for tuning in. And I'll see you next week with another episode. See you then.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Air with Molly Dare. Your support means everything to me and to the guests who are sharing their personal stories. The best way to support this podcast series is with a five star rating on iTunes. Writing a quick written review gives me all the feels and I read every single one and it means so much. If you screenshot your review and send it to us, you will be entered into our monthly giveaway and who doesn't love free stuff. The best way for this podcast to grow is by word of mouth and I would love for you to tell a friend share on social media. tag me in your stories if there's an episode or guests that really hits home for you. If you are interested in learning more about what I do or want to receive my Mondays with Molly video series with insights on each episode and my personal takeaways. Head to mollydare.com. And you can sign up there. See you next episode and in the meanwhile, do something daring this week.
